Ylisse School Musical
by DuckTator
Summary: Robin's the new kid at school. Nerdy but kawaii as hell, girls swoon after him. But they don't know he's actually a total weeaboo and hella gay. Forced to sing a duet with Chrom, basketball superstar extraordinaire, the two hit it off at a New Year's Party. Will the plan go all according to keikaku or…? Crack. Yaoi!Chrobin.
1. In Which Robin Spaghettis

Chapter 1: In Which Robin Spaghettis and Shows His True Weeaboo (Otaku) Nature IRL

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Summary: Robin's the new kid at school. Nerdy but kawaii as hell, girls swoon after him. But they don't know he's actually a total weeaboo and hella gay. Forced to sing a duet with Chrom, basketball superstar extraordinaire, the two hit it off at a New Year's Party. Will the plan go all according to keikaku or…? Crack. Yaoi!Chrobin.

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A/N: Obviously based off of High School Musical. I must apologize, this displays about 0% of my writing skill. OTL Anyway, thanks to both 'A Stampede of Chickens' (on fanfiction) and 'Kyiss' (on tumblr) for beta-ing/inserting more Japanese words/stupid jokes in the story. Also creds to Kyiss for the cover image U.U ilu bae

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The New Year's party at the ski resort absolutely sucked. It was loud, it was annoying, and it was full of sweaty bodies. All Robin wanted was his book back. But nooooo, his dad had taken it away from him, insisting that he 'act like a normal teenager and go party and do some drugs or something.' Like what kind of dad was that? Validar was a pretty shit dad anyway.

So Robin sat on the couch sulking. His phone died like ten minutes ago so he couldn't read the latest chapter of manga. He couldn't live without knowing if Naruto and Sakura got together or not. This was insanity!

And now some random announcer dude is talking about couples volunteering to sing karaoke. What a baka. Real people can't sing anyway. Now he has to suffer through terrible singing _and_ everything else. Including the stupid outfit his dad had shoved on to him.

'Your mother would want you to wear fashionable clothes and go to the party,' Validad had told him.

'DAD YOU BAKA DAIKIRAI,' Robin screamed at his father, knowing that Validad couldn't understand the superior Japanese language.

He wasn't gonna lie. The white button up and black skinny jeans made him look hella swag. Like, hello? His messy white hair just added extra swag points. He looked like white haired Kaneki Ken. AKA a sexy, badass motherfucker.

"AND NOW," the announcer screamed into the mic, causing a huge screeching sound. The dude ignored it, because that is not in fact an easily fixed problem, and continued. "FOR OUR NEXT SET OF VOLUNTEERS. THE SPOTLIGHTS IF YOU WILL."

The light fell first on Robin. He groaned. "NO THANK YOU," he shouted.

Validad pushed him up towards the stage. "You'll thank me later, son."

"Oh no, no, no. I can't sing!" Robin protested. Okay that was a lie. He sang 'Crossing Field' by LiSA in the shower like everyday. But whatever.

The crowd forced him off the couch and onto the stage. Robin was handed a mic that he awkwardly placed back on the stand. He was sending them all to jigoku desu.

"FOR OUR SECOND VOLUNTEER," the announcer dude said in his stupidly loud and cheerful voice. "DEFENDING HIS TITLE TONIGHT, HIS NAME IS JOHN CENAAAAAAAAA."

The damn John Cena theme blasted through the speakers. Stupid meme. This party was not at all going to keikaku desu.

"Are you kidding me right now?" Robin said, eye twitching, with the # sign stamped across his head.

"OKAY, OKAY. WE'RE JUST JOKING." The music stopped blaring from the speakers. "THE REAL VOLUNTEER IS, DRUMROLL PLEASE."

The spotlight twirled around the crowd and landed on the sexiest guy Robin had ever laid eyes upon. Hot damn. His hair was the bluest of ao, like Ike's or Marth's from Fire Embull. And _damn_ were they hot as hell. And so was this guy. If he contemplated going gay for 2D guys, he was _definitely_ going gay for this 3D guy.

"Oh, no, please no," the dude waved his hands in protest.

A small perky blonde girl next to him pushed him forward. "DO IT FOR THE VINE, CHROM!"

Chrom. So that was his name. Robin swooned. Yeah, he could get used to that. Crap, wait, was he going to sing a duet with this guy? He didn't know any dumb English songs, only anime openings. Which in his humble opinion was the only good music in the world. Kids these days and their stupid pop and autotune.

"You kids will appreciate this later," the announcer said, for once not screaming into the mic. That's almost exactly what Validad had told him. Baka Validad desu.

A familiar tune came out from the speakers. Robin couldn't quite put his finger on it. Well, at least he knows the song.

" _We're no strangers to loveeeeeee, you know the rules, and so do I._ "

Robin turned to glare at the announcer. Rick Rolling? What was this, 2007?

"SORRY FOLKS," the announcer cried, getting a loud 'aaaaawwww' from the crowd. "WRONG TRACK."

A piano riff started. Chrom shuffled awkwardly next to him. Robin crossed his hands over his chest, pouting. Baras like the tsunderes, right?

Chrom cleared his throat, "Uh, I'll take the first part?"

Robin rolled his eyes, "Yeah, whatever, like I _care_."

"Uhm, okay."

The lyrics blared on a screen in front of them. "Something New" was the title of the song. Ehh, it was no 'Guren no Yumiya' but it'll do. As long as he got to sang with Mr. Kakkoi over there.

The crowd cheered as Chrom began to sing. Can't sing, his ass.

" _Living in my own world, didn't understand_ _,_ " the blue haired beauty smoothly began. " _That anything can happen, when you take a chance_."

Oh my gods, heaven above, surely a tenshi has descended upon him. Oh right, it was his turn.

Robin took a deep breath. " _I never believed in, what I couldn't see. I never opened my heart, to all the possibilities._ "

He wasn't terrible, given the crowd's reaction. Robin ran a hand through his hair. Guess crying and singing to ending songs at 3am was totally worth it.

" _ **I know**_ ," they both sang. Robin continued, " _that something has changed._ "

" _ **Never felt this way**_."

" _And right here tonight…_ " Robin trailed off.

" _ **This could be the start, of somethin' new.**_ "

" _It feels so right._ "

" _ **To be here with you, oooooh. And now, lookin' in your eyes."**_

" _I feel in my heart._ "

" _Feel in my heart._ "

" _ **The start of somethin' new.**_ "

" _Ohhhhh, yeahhh._ " Chrom smirked into the microphone as he shrugged off his blazer. Robin could have died right then and there a happy otoko. As could the rest of the crowd, who began cheering. Back off, Chrom belongs to him.

He completely shed his jacket, tossing it to a serene looking blonde onna in the crowd. " _Now who'd of ever thought that...mmmm._ "

" _ **We'd both be here tonight...ooooh, yeahhhhh**_."

Robin uncrossed his arms, grabbing on to the microphone in front of him. " _Oh yeah, the sekai looks so much brighter_."

" _Brighter, brighterr_."

" _Oh, with anata by my sideeeeeeeee_."

" _By my sideeee_."

" _ **I know...that somethin' has changed. Never felt this way**_ **.** "

" _Oh, I know it for real_."

" _ **This could be the start, of somehin' new. It feels so right, to be here with you, oooh.**_ " Judging by the cheering and dancing people, they were pretty good at this. Heh, Robin could get used to this. Maybe start his own band, yeah.

" _ **And now lookin' in your eyes. I feel in my heartttttttt, the start of somethin' new**_ **.** "

Chrom tilted his microphone stand. Robin's eye bulged. Holy okaa-san of…

" _I never knew that it could happen 'til it happened to me. Oooooh, yeahhhh._. "

" _ **I didn't know it before**_ **.** "

" _But ima, it's easy to seeeeeeee_."

" _ **Oooooohhhhhhhhh**_ **.** "

They began the last part of the song, facing one another: " _ **It's the start, of somethin' new. It feels so right, to be here with you, oooooh. And now, lookin' in your eyes, I feel in my heartttt. That it's the start, of somehin' new. It feels so right**_ **.** "

" _So right, ooooh_."

" _To be koko with anata, ooooh (ohohoho)_."

" _ **And now...**_ " They inched ever closer together. " _ **Lookin' in your eyes, I feelin my heartttttttt**_ **.** "

" _The start of somethin' new_."

Chrom chorused after him, " _The start of somethin' new_ _._ "

" _The start of somethin' new_."

" _Somethin' new_."

The song ended and the crowd burst in applause. Now, for sure, they were close enough to kiss. And Robin could _feel_ the heat radiating off of Chrom. Oh my gods, oh my gods. What if he just leaned in, and, ano, anooooooo..

"Chrom, I'm Chrom," Chrom said, repetitively. Heh, it was kawaii either way.

"Robin desu." Oh gods, does he give Chrom his keitai number now, or was that too pushy? Damn, this dude probably had a kanojo or something. He was too kawaii to not have one. LE SIGH. The trials and tribulations of a deep thinker.

"Oh, uh," Chrom looked at the cheering crowd. "Let's go outside, I'm feeling kinda stuffy in here. Your singing was interesting I liked the japanese you slipped in place of the actual lyrics. I too watch the animu."

"Eto, arigato gozaimasu," Robin said bashfully, ignoring the horrible mispronunciation of the finest Japanese art for the _compliment_ Chrom gave him. A compliment! "Your singing was really good too. Suteki, if I do say so myself."

The crowd behind them started to chant the countdown to New Year's. Kinda like zombies. It reminded me of that hot anime about the zombie girl, 'Sankarea.' Creepy. But even Robin knew dumb western traditions like how a New Year's kiss was supposed to be special. His kokoro was going doki-doki as he stared at Chrom's lip. He bit his lip. That's how people got others to kiss them, right?

Chrom looked awkwardly at anywhere but Robin. He even grabbed a cupcake from a nearby table and took a bite. Robin cursed himself; he was such a baka. Chrom probably wasn't attracted to him. Le sigh. The moment passed. hanabi exploded. How romantic, he thought bitterly.

"I guess I need to go find Validad—I mean my otou-san," Robin excused himself. "To wish him a Happy New Year's before he starts bitching. Actually, he might be glad I'm finally rebelling like a 'normal' teenager now. LOL."

"Yeah, me too. I mean not your otou-san. Uh. I mean my older sister, Emmeryn. And my younger sister, Lissa, too. Uhm. How about I text you, like tomorrow?"

SCORE! He got Chrom's number, without even trying. "Oh," he tried to play it off cool. "Here's my keitai, fam. Put your number in."

"Sure," the blue hair bara pulled out his phone. A sudden flash blinded Robin.

"Sorry," Chrom apologized. "I wanted a picture of you. Uh, for the contact picture."

"Wait, me too," Robin agreed, snapping a picture of Chrom. "Here, now you can put your number in."

They swapped numbers. Then stood there, in awkward silence for a bit. "Want the rest of it," Chrom offered Robin his cupcake. "It's really sweet though."

Robin took the cupcake. An indirect kiss? Oh my gods. This can't be happening. He was squealing on the inside. Wow, was he Chiyo from 'Gekkan-Shoujo Nozaki-kun?' Next thing you know Chrom writes shoujo manga for a living. Robin accidentally wandered off in a kind of blissful peace.

"Yeah, I mean, I like sweets and all," Chrom said in the distance to himself. Guess he didn't realize Robin had wandered off. "But, I'm not feeling it right now. Wow. Anyway where do you live?"

Robin looked at him from afar, shocked out of the 'indirect kiss' state of mind. He shook his head. What a dork. An utsukushii cinnamon roll, too good for this world, too pure.

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A/N #2: I have to apologize again. LOL. I hope you found this a stupid and obnoxious as I did. That's the point afterall. I can't promise consistent updates, but there will probably be at least one or two more. So tell me what memes/animu you want me to reference. Or any other crack ideas. Or the format, especially the song, since that was really annoying to write. Or if you'd rather me quit writing crack and actually post the normal stories I've written. WHAT TEAM?


	2. In Which Robin is the Mysterious

Chapter 2: In Which Robin is the Mysterious Transfer Student

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Summary: Robin's the new kid at school. Nerdy but kawaii as hell, girls swoon after him. But they don't know he's actually a total weeaboo and hella gay. Forced to sing a duet with Chrom, basketball superstar extraordinaire, the two hit it off at a New Year's Party. Will the plan go all according to keikaku or…? Crack. Yaoi!Chrobin.

* * *

Robin shuffled past the huge crowd. Gods there were so many people here. Both Validad and the best sister in the whole entire world Aversa (who had mysteriously _disappeared_ at the New Year's party) had to walk with him to school. Like, what? He was a senpai in high school now, he didn't need them.

Robin walked passed the huge crowd of people screaming things. This was possibly even worse than the stupid party. Except for Chrom. Yeah. Besides the fact that he'd probably never see the handsome bara ever again. Sighs. Such was his completely normal and utterly boring life.

Robin suddenly stopped walking in shock. There, right in front of him, was Chrom. But like a huge-ass Chrom in a basketball seifuku. Oh, was it a mural? A painting? What the hell? Robin rubbed his eyes and walked away. Probably a hallucination. What kind of gakuen supported huge art works of their athletes that are going to graduate in a few years anyway? Besides, it was obviously fake. Typical schools liked football better than basketball. Like, who even watches basketball (except in sports anime, Kuroko no Basuke made him cry far too many times).

Validad then grabbed his hand, leading him around school. "Come, Robin, let's go to find the principals!"

"Otou-san!" Robin yanked his arm out of Validad's grasp. "I'm not a smol child anymore. I can get around myself."

"Nonsense. You're just going to join a dumb nerd club. How about you go play with them," Validad pointed to a group of stoners. How the hell did they even manage to come to school high? Like without getting caught.

"Otou-sannnnnn, they're druggies," Robin groaned.

Aversa let out a purr and a 'meow,' gesturing at some hot dudes. Robin slapped his forehead before slapping her. "Hentai! Don't even think about it, that's not even legal!"

"Oh shut up you stupid weeb," Aversa batted her eyelashes. The guys started at her large oppais. Typical butas.

"I. Am. Not. A. Weeaboo," Robin gritted his teeth. "I am an _otaku_ , learn the difference, baka."

She flipped her hair while simultaneously flipped him off. "Weeb."

"Settle down children," Validad interjected. "We're in a calm, learning environment. Now Robin, you should learn to take after Aversa's example. See that rude gesture is totally against the rules and is completely rebellious."

"You shouldn't be condoning this, Otou-san!"

"And stop calling me that stupid name! It's Validad to you. Japanese people are all evil anyway. I mean they like killed millions of people in World War II, isn't that proof enough?"

Robin looked at his father in shock. Nihonjin...evil? No way. They were the highest amongst all people. Japanese culture is SAIKOU.

A super skinny bishonen boy with wild red anime hair strutted towards Robin, his long fingernails clicking as he texted away on his brand spanking new iPhone, completely with rhinestone case. He was wearing a sparkly pink outfit, with matching sparkly pink shoes and bag. A small girl with the same red hair trailed behind him, using twenty dollar bills like a fan.

The two pushed past everyone, even pushing Robin and his family away. None of the other students seemed to think this was out of the ordinary.

"The mad king's returned from hell, hasn't he?" some jock joked to his friends.

"Yeah I bet he and his sister spent winter break as they always do."

"What?"

"Burning money instead of donating it to the poor."

"OOOOOOOooOoooOooOOooh," the surrounding boys chorused. "One hundred degrees in the SHADEEEEEEEE."

Validad ignored that whole encounter. "We still have to find the principals, ah, there they are now!"

Two of the scariest people Robin had ever met came before him, arguing loudly. One was a big beefy bald black dude with an eyepatch and the other was a big beefy black woman with the coldest stare ever.

"I'M THE HEAD PRINCIPAL," the dude yelled. "HEAD PRINCIPAL BASILIO."

"NO, I'M THE HEAD PRINCIPAL," the woman screamed back. "HEAD PRINCIPAL FlAVIA."

"Eto," Robin tried to speak. The two looked at him before going back to arguing again.

Basilio and Flavia started wrestling on the floor. Students just walked around them, while Robin and family started with wide eyes. The bell rang.

"Ano, I'm just going to go to class before I'm chikoku desu," Robin muttered, slipping away from the weirdos. Including Validad and Aversa.

He turned back to see the two cheering for the wrestling principals. Robin gave a stare of disgust and hurried up the stairs to first period.

Everyone was already in class. Walhart-sensei (the teacher Robin knew from looking at the schedule) was busy doing something in the front of the class. The teacher had shiro hair just like Robin's, but it was long and flowing. He also wore all blood aka clothes. Like Satan.

Robin recognized several people in the classroom from earlier. Sparkly pink shounen and chibi money shoujo sat texting on their iPhones, laughing with one another. The jocks who had mocked them were also in the class. One was a pretty beefy brown haired dude with a serious bitch face.

Robin caught a glimpse of blue hair. Chrom? Or was it someone else. How many people in this world could have blue hair, anyway? Only anime protagonists, that's who. Nah, Robin decided it was just a coincidence and took a seat in the very back. What are the odds? He had to sit in the back to pretend like he was a cool anime protagonist that was popular but mysterious. Actually he could probably be the mysterious transfer student!

Walhart-sensei decided to stand up and actually talk. "Welcome back class," he said in a deep voice. "To another year of _wonder_."

He looked at someone eating a hot dog in class. "Excuse me, what is _this_?"

The student gulped. "A hot dog, sir?"

"You know, Mr. Stahl, that meat is not allowed in this room. Do you know how terribly animal farms treat their animals? This is why I am vegan. Now put a quarter into the 'Donate to PETA' jar. And you'll have detention today."

Stahl groaned and put a quarter in the jar. Robin rolled his eyes. Everyone knew PETA kills more animals than it saves. What a joke.

"Before I was rudely interrupted," Walhart-sensei shot the class a glare, "I was talking about the new year. Ah yes, the winter musical is coming up. Anyone who joins will get extra credit—What is so funny Mr. Frederick."

"Nothing, sir," the beefy brown haired jock answered. Under his breath he muttered, "Stupid lobster."

Walhart-sensei continued, "There is also the decathlon hosted by the Perfect Einstein Genius Amazing Superior Ultimate Students (PEGASUS), headed by the club president, Ms. Cordelia herself."  
A pretty redheaded girl raised her hand and beaming around the classroom proudly.

Suddenly Britney Spear's _Toxic_ blasted from his pocket. Oh crap that was his phone (he forgot to change it back to _Pure Pare-Do_ after Aversa decided to troll him)! Robin swore he had turned it to vibrate earlier. He was such a baka.

"Ah, the cell phone _menace_ has returned," Wallhart-sensei rounded upon the class. "To disturb the conquest of learning. Mr. Gangrel, Ms. Anna, cellphones, right now. And you'll be having detention."

Robin pulled out his keitai, who was calling him in class anyway? He bet it was the baka majo Aversa, always getting him trouble. Robin looked at the screen. '1 missed call from Chrom.' Holy sh—

"CELLPHONE," Walhart screamed in his ear. "I will getting to know you better in detention, Mr…?"

"Robin, sensei," Robin replied glumly.

"Don't think it's so funny, Mr. Chrom, as I see your phone out too. Detention as well."

"Wait, mibro cannot have detention today, your honor, we have basketball practice," Frederick protested. "And we need mibro for practice."

"That'll also be fifteen minutes detention for you too, Mr. Frederick. Count them."

"It'll be hard for Freddy-bear to do that, since I doubt he can count that high," Cordelia snickered.

"And another fifteen minutes to Ms. Cordelia!" Walhart roared. "We are no longer on vacation. We are on a CONQUEST for LEARNING. CONSTANT VIGILANCE CLASS!"

The class stayed silent. Cicadas could be heard chirping. It was like natsu was already here. They could've had an entire beach filler episode already. "Any more comments, class?"

A white haired boy raised his hand. "Nyahahaha, how was your vacation, Mr. Walhart. Did you CAW-se any MURDERS of CROWS?"

Walhart's eye twitched. The class groaned and looked at the boy. Man no one has any chill around here.

"And you, Mr. Henry—" but Walhart was cut off by the bell. Everyone stormed out of class, trampling over a green haired chibi girl.

Robin was one of the last ones to leave, careful of staying away from Walhart's fiery breath. This man was actually Satan. No wait, he wasn't as bad as Validad.

"Oh hey!" someone called out to him. Robin turned around to see Chrom. "I didn't know you went to Ylisse High! I can't believe it!"

"Me either, fam," Robin admitted. Chrom's excitement was so kawaii.

"But how? I mean it's already halfway through the school year!"

"Well we had to run away from the popo because of something Aversa did that Otou-san was proud of. Ano, I mean Otuo-san's job transferred here to Ylisse?"

"Oh, uh, I see? I mean I looked for you the morning after the party, but you were gone," Chrom whispered.

"Aversa made us leave. Something about not wanting to be caught having underage, eto, I mean…"

"Aversa?"

"My older sister. Otou-san loves her. But why are you whispering?" Robin questioned.

"Uh, well my b-ball bros know about the partying and snowboarding but they don't know about the _singing_ ," Chrom looked around for his friends. One of them spotted him from like ten miles away and waved.

"Hey, 'sup bro," Chrom greeted a buff blond dude.

"It's the Teach to Chrommy!" the 'Teach' called back, hurrying off somewhere.

"Embarrassed or something?" Robin cocked an eyebrow.

"Nah, chill bro. It's just that was a different part of me, you know. I gotta be the swag basketball menimist bro to the b-ball bros. But the singing? I was just like another bro, bro."

"Menimist, who are you Donald Trump?" Robin thought about it for a minute. "Nah, that would be insulting to the menimists."

"So, anyway," Chrom ignored Robin's statement. "Welcome to Ylisse High. And now that you've met Mr. Walhart, I bet you can hardly keep it in your pants to audition for the school musical!" He gestured at the audition sign ups pinned to the wall.

"Nah, I don't want to be signing up for anything other than anime club. Anime is my ichiban priority."

"I hate to break it to you but we don't have an anime club."

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO," Robin sunk to the floor in defeat. "I guess I might consider drama later." He muttered under his breath, "Especially if you join too."

"Bro," Chrom helped him up. "There are other places to take a nap than the ground you know. 'Sides, I already have the basketballs with the basketbros, so it'll be impossible."

"Nothin's impossible if you try hard enough, my sweet prince," Gangrel came up from behind them. "So nice of you to show the new boy around," he fluttered his eyebrows. "Maybe you could show me around if you know what I mean—"

"WOAH THERE," Robin cried, feeling jealous. "This ain't some hentai shit. Get your nasty ass outta here."

"Please," Gangrel pulled out a sparkly pink pen, writing his name as big as possible on the audition sheet to fill up all of the available spots. "Oh, were you gonna sign up too? Ehehehehehe," he cackled. "My sister and I have always been the lead, so there are always some _supporting_ roles for you two."

"Uh no, actually I was just looking for the anime club sign ups," Robin pointed out.

"We don't have an animu club."

"STOP RUBBING IT IN!" Robin covered his ears, walking away from Gangrel. "LALALALA, I'm not listeninggggg."

Robin stopped to hide behind a corner, watching Gangrel and Chrom.

Gangrel twirled his sparkly pink pen, "So, Chrom, I missed you during break. What did you do?"

"Uh, basketball. Snowboarding. More Basketball. The usual."

Gangrel giggle batting his eyelashes. Chrom looked uncomfortable. The former continued, "When's the finals, hmmm?"

"Two weeks…"

"Well, aren't you a dedicated princeling. Just like me!" he flirted. "Anwyays, I hear Anna calling me. Toodles~"

"Toodles?" Chrom looked confused. Robin's blood boiled in jealousy. Bitch that was his blue haired bara, so stay away.

* * *

Omake: (because A Stampede of Chickens pointed out that Robin was considering on going gay for Chrom but never actually accepted the gay in the story. Also I'm not trying to offend anyone, especially with the coming out scene, this is all one big joke story soo...)

* * *

It was the day after the New Years Party. Robin, Validad, and Aversa were eating dinner at their home (after running away from the hotel). All morning Robin had been holed up in his room, questioning his existence. First he stared at Chrom's picture. And then at scantily clad women. Then at Chrom. Then at unclad women. Then at Chrom.

That's when it hit him. Wow, he was actually gay. Like as in he liked dudes. No wonder he used to stare at Ike's 'guns' in Radiant Dawn. Man that guy was _ripped af_.

Now, back to dinner. Robin looked to his Otou-san and and took a deep breath.

"Aversa. Validad. I'm gay."

"Fucking _finally_ ," Aversa put down the fork she was holding. Robin looked at the fork in disgust. He used the superior chopsticks instead of the dumb western instruments.

"We know, son," Validad didn't even bat an eye.

"Excuse me?" Robin cried in outrage. "I JUST FIGURED THIS OUT! TODAY!"

"Well, it was obvious," Aversa rolled her eyes. "I saw you checking out my old boyfriends."

"I did not! And what about you, otou-san. Aren't you going to threaten to kick me out of the house because I like it up the ass or something?"

"Oh no," Validad continued eating. "It's a good sign. You're finally rebelling against society. My little gay rebel, you."

"ARRRRRRRGHHHHHHHHH!"

* * *

A/N: No songs for this chapter tho lol THANK GOD. OTL That feel when you're running out of memes and the weeb stuff gets repetitive. I don't really have any words for this, except that the omake is great and is currently the best thing I have ever written, crack or otherwise. Anyways, thanks again to 'A Stampede of Chickens' (on fanfiction) and 'Kyiss' (on tumblr) for suffering through this actual shit post of a story and trying to beta/add more memes. If you, yes you my dear reader, have any more memes/weeb stuff you want me to add or reference feel free to tell me because I will gladly try to do so.


	3. In Which Robin is Most Definitely A

Chapter 3: In Which Robin is Most Definitely A Tsundere, Not a Yandere

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Summary: Robin's the new kid at school. Nerdy but kawaii as hell, girls swoon after him. But they don't know he's actually a total weeaboo and hella gay. Forced to sing a duet with Chrom, basketball superstar extraordinaire, the two hit it off at a New Year's Party. Will the plan go all according to keikaku or…? Crack. Yaoi!Chrobin.

* * *

A/N: ;_; I'm so terribly sorry, but thanks to 'A Stampede of Chickens' (on fanfiction) and 'Kyiss' (on tumblr) for beta-ing. (More after the story)

* * *

Robin knew Chrom had basketball practice at lunch (crazy jocks, who skips _lunch_ ) with the rest of the team. And since there was no anime club (a lone tear runs down his cheek), he decided to sneak into the practice. Hehehe. Imagine all the _muscles~_

So many biceps, and triceps. And ooh those calvessss. Robin swooned. Especially Chrom's. That boy can sure rock that button up skinny jean combo but nothing beats looking at those rippling muscles. Robin wondered if the boys could shed the jersey and go topless. That would be so sugoi!

Calm now Robin, he told himself. This wasn't Free! and he wasn't Gou (Kou?). There weren't any kirakira transitions...yet. He could probably arrange that.

The b-ball guys were calming down a bit. He could see Chrom talking to Frederick about something. Damn it, shut up everyone.

"Nyahahahahaha, I'm going to kill you," Henry shouted from one end of the court.

Stahl screamed back, "You are _SO_ dead! Especially because I didn't get to eat anything yet!"

"BE SILENT!" Lon'qu roared. "I'm trying to concentrate. Peeling potatoes, heh."

"Teach just got tenured!" Vaike 'the Teach' yelled.

Robin sat there confused. Why were they saying stupid catchphrases on the court? Was this even legal in basketball? Eto...He was very puzzled.

Frederick left Chrom's side, running towards the other guys. "PICK A GOD AND PRAY, boyssss." He shot a three pointer. "Scoreeeeeeeeeee!"

Somewhere air horns sounded. Sniping sounds from COD played. Robin still stared in shock.

Then Chrom rounded the team into formation. The team passed the b-ball around, dribbling it in a sort of melodic rhythm. Their sneakers squeaking periodically. Damn, that was a sick beat. When was the bass drop?

A tune started playing out of nowhere, synchronizing with the thumps of the ball and the squeaks. What the f—

" _Coach said to, fake right, break left_ ," Chrom began to sing out of nowhere. He stilled ran around in the mock game, except that instead of being silent he burst out into song. Robin wasn't complaining though. The voice of an angel. Sighs.

" _Watch out for the pick and keep your eye on defence_ ," Chrom moved around the court like a pro as if he wasn't singing to some random ass song that came out of nowhere. Was no one else hearing this but him?

" _You gotta run the give and go, and take the ball to the hole. But don't be afraid to shoot the outside J_ ," he shot the basketball and which landed with a nice swish.

" _Just keep yah head in the game, just keep yah head in the game. Don't be afraid to shoot the outside J_ ," he gave that tip to his teammates. " _Just keep yah head in the game_."

Ano...okay. Robin was just going to roll with this. Just sit back and enjoy the show. No problem.

" _You gotta get'cha, get'cha head in the game_!" Chrom exclaimed.

" _ **We gotta get our get our get out get our head in the game!**_ " the boys chorused after Chrom. Robin squinted his eyes. And they said they hated singing!

" _You gotta get'cha, get'cha head in the game_!"

" _ **We gotta get our get our get out get our head in the game!**_ "

" _You gotta get'cha, get'cha head in the game_!"

" _ **We gotta get our get our get out get our head in the game!**_ "

Lon'qu shot a nice basket. The other boys cheered. Chrom clapped and began to sing again, " _Let's make sure that we get the rebound! 'Cuz when we get it the crowd will go wild. A second chance gotta grab it and go. Maybe this time we'll get the right notes…_ "

Chrom trailed off, looking awkwardly at his teammates. He shook his head as if he was trying to get his composure back, throwing the basketball in his hand away. " _Wait a minute, it's not the time or place. Wait a minute, get my head in the game_."

He nodded to the rhythm, while Robin stared entranced, " _Wait a minute, get my head in the game. Wait a minute. Wait a minute_."

The boys got in a circle, with Chrom in the middle. " _I gotta get my, get my head in the game_."

They sang to him, " _ **You gotta, get'cha, get'cha, get'cha head in the game**_ **.** "

They threw the basketball back and forth, continuing the song. " _I gotta get my, get my head in the game_."

" _ **You gotta, get'cha, get'cha, get'cha head in the game**_ **.** "

" _I gotta get my, get my head in the game_."

" _ **You gotta, get'cha, get'cha, get'cha head in the game, woooooo**_ **.** "

All of a sudden the lights went out, causing Robin to flinch. A spotlight shined right on to Chrom in the middle of the gaggle of the basketbros. Solo time?

" _Why am I feeling so wrongggggggggg?_ " Chrom gestured, his hand outstretched as if reaching for something. " _My head's in the game, but my heart's in the songgggggg. He makes this feel so right_."

Robin's kokoro went doki doki. He? Who is this he? Is it murder time?

Chrom spoke this time, instead of singing, "Should I go for it? Better shake this, yikes!"

The lights came back on and the spotlight disappeared. The boys danced too well for this to not be choreographed.

He shot a basket from the middle of the circle. Chrom burst in song again, " _I gotta get my, get my head in the game_."

" _ **You gotta, get'cha, get'cha, get'cha head in the game**_ **.** "

" _I gotta get my, get my head in the game_."

" _ **You gotta, get'cha, get'cha, get'cha head in the game**_ **.** "

" _I gotta get my, get my head in the game_."

" _ **You gotta, get'cha, get'cha, get'cha head in the game**_ **.** "

" _I gotta get my, get my head in the game_."

" _ **You gotta, get'cha, get'cha, get'cha head in the game**_ **.** "

And with that, they all threw their basketballs in the air. Looks sweet as hell, but there wasn't really an audience, Robin thought. The boys all cheered.

"WHAT TEAM?" Frederick yelled.

They responded, "SHEPHERDS!"

"WHAT TEAM?"

"SHEPHERDS!"

"WHAT TEAM?"

"SHEPHERDS!"

"SHEPHERDS GET YOUR HEAD IN THE GAME!"

"WOOOOOO!"

"Nyahahahaha!"

The boys ran into the locker room, with Chrom trailing behind. Robin was tempted to run after him, to speak to him, but decided against it. Oh well.

* * *

"So, you know the little princeling, huh?" Gangrel leaned over the desk to address Robin, his long fingernails were caked with a red substance.

"Ano, I do not understand what you are getting at?" Robin peeled Gangrel's nails off his desk.

"Wellllll, Chrom usually doesn't show the new kid around school, if you get what I mean."

"Why not?" Robin turned to look at the view outside of the window, resting his face in his hand like in anime.

"Because he's in love with basketball, obviously," Gangrel stared at his nails.

"Sensei is such a baka," Robin muttered under his breath. "It should be sixteen over pi, not eight over pi."

"Yes, Mr. Robin? Did you say something?" Yen'fay-sensei asked.

"Just that the second equation is wrong. Get the facts straight Sensei, you're on the wrong side of things," Robin sassed.

"That's impossible," Sensei looked at the book. "Ah, I stand corrected. Perhaps I should apologize and make up with my sister after all."

To his right, Cordelia cocked an eyebrow. "That was excellent work, Robin."

Robin shrugged. "Yeah, I know. I'm sugoi."

* * *

Robin was just stalking, no, no just following, Chrom around school when he saw the bluenette take a long look at the auditions sign up. Yes, Chrom. Sign up. And then Robin will just sneak up and put his name right next to his. Eto...that wasn't creepy at all.

Chrom quickly looked around and walked away. Robin was about to follow him, but saw King Biatch and his sister gestured at the sign ups. Curious, Robin stayed in his hiding place, even if that meant letting Chrom out of his sight. Oh well, he could probably find the blue haired boy again.

"Chrom was looking at our auditions list," Anna said with a roll of her eyes. "We should start charging for things like that, honestly. We're wasting a good opportunity to make money!"

"Oh will you shut up about money," Gangrel hissed, dusting off his sparkly pink jacket. "Earlier I saw him and that new boy, Pigeon or something, looking at the list together."

PIGEON? OH THAT FILTHY SON OF A BITCH WAS GONNA GET IT NOW. First trying to lay his claws on Robin's man and now calling him a pigeon? Sure he was named after a bird, but that was plain insulting. Robin almost jumped Gangrel right then and there.

"I mean," Gangrel continued. "He's kinda freaky don't you think? Using Chinese words in his sentences and just walking around like he owns the place. Where is he even from?"

FREAKY? CHINESE? DOES GANGREL WANT A GIANT KICK TO WHERE THE SUN DON'T SHINE BECAUSE HE HAS ONE COMING STRAIGHT AT HIM!

Gangrel stalked off, with Anna walking behind. The girl had managed to earn five bucks by charging random people for just looking at her brother. Damn penny pincher. Who did she think she was, Mr. Krabs? Charging for _breathing_?

Robin followed the duo to the computer lab. They were researching something. Uh, okay, boring. He was about to leave when he heard Anna speak:

"Dude, this kid's like freaking Einstein. I should charge him for keeping such a secret from the school! I mean why would he even be interested in drama anyway?"

"He _says_ he wanted to join some ani-poo club or something but we don't have one. Either way, _we're_ gonna make sure that he doesn't even think about the auditions by having him get a warm welcome from a certain Honors Society Group," Gangrel ranted evilly as he printed something out. "After all she loves _pi_. Ehehehehe."

Stupid bakas! They were going to destroy his life. Validad had wanted him to be a precious obedient little boy when he was younger so he had him join all those genius clubs! And now he was going to be forced into one of them again? Urghhh. This was almost as bad as rebelling against society in the first place. Damn, Validad was a shit dad.

Gangrel and Anna walked off together, Anna muttering something about being able to make a lot of money out of this. Robin swore in Japanese. He had to stop them.

* * *

And that was how, right before detention started, Cordelia had caught him. Robin was standing in front of her locker, finally managing to fish out the paper they had printed of his old 'glory days' of nerding out. He probably looked like a baka to everyone else, but he didn't care, he couldn't join this stupid, oh no!

"What are you doing, Robin?" Cordelia asked him with her hands on her hip.

"Ano, nothing?" Robin gave her a dazzling smile.

Cordelia didn't even bat an eye. "Give me that," she swiped the paper from Robin's hand.

Robin could have cried right then. He was so closeeee. Now instead of spending time at home watching anime and looking at dank memes he would have to go to stupid nerd meetings. He didn't even manage to find the rarest pepe yet!

"OMG!" Cordelia exclaimed. "You have to join—"

"No," he deadpanned.

"But, but!"

"No."

"Please," Cordelia said, pouting a bit, widening her eyes. "Pretty please, oh, it'll be the first time we actually stand a chance of winning!"

Damn it. She was so kawaii. But in like a kawaii pet kind of way. He didn't like women too much in that way, honestly. But oh GODS HE COULD FEEL HER MOE POWERS WHITTLING HIM DOWN. MUST RESIST. CANNOT GIVE IN TO THE MOE.

"Okay, fine! I'll do it, just stop whatever you're doing!" Robin covered his eyes. He could feel his pupils burning from the moe. "This is torture, ahhh! Please never again! I'll do whatever you want!"

"Really?" Cordelia turned off her moe powers. "Then I'll see you at the next meeting! It's on this paper here."

She handed Robin a paper and strutted away, looking proud of herself. Robin sighed, sinking to the floor. What had he gotten himself in to?

"By the way," she turned back to look at him. "Don't forget about detention ufufu~"

"STOP. I KNOW. I'M COMING!"

* * *

A/N: So I've had this chapter done for a long while, but like school started up again and I had to get it beta'ed because everything was kinda busy and crazy, and honestly that's no excuse but yeah OTL. That and inktober took over all of my free time. But the good news is that it's now November, and NaNoWriMo, so expect more updates since I've committed to do this stuff, and possibly other things so...ahaha ;_; I'll be (trying) to write daily (lol what are midterms), but I have to get everything beta'd so maybe once a week? Ah well, we'll see. Also I even forgot to post chapter two on AO3 so RIP. Also fuck songs tbh


	4. In Which Robin Doesn't Do Much (LOL)

Chapter 4: In Which Robin Doesn't Do Much (LOL)

Summary: Robin's the new kid at school. Nerdy but kawaii as hell, girls swoon after him. But they don't know he's actually a total weeaboo and hella gay. Forced to sing a duet with Chrom, basketball superstar extraordinaire, the two hit it off at a New Year's Party. Will the plan go all according to keikaku or…? Crack. Yaoi!Chrobin.

* * *

A/N: Or rather, in which the author struggles with keeping everything in weeaboo meme trash perspective, considering the movie goes around and doesn't just focus on one character.

* * *

"CONSTANT VIGILANCE," Walhart shouted to the many students in detention. "COME ON, THESE SETS AREN'T GOING TO PAINT THEMSELVES. CONQUER THEM!"

The assembled students groaned. Baka Lobster. Ever since Robin overheard Freddy-bear mutter something about Walhart and a lobster, he had fallen in love with the insult. Like his clothes, man. What are those? At least, it was a better nickname than 'satan,' right (even if it was hella accurate)?

Lobster-sensei strode amongst the students, insulting every little detail. When he came to Robin he snarled (do lobsters snarl?), "That paint job is so sloppy that even a handless three year old could paint better! But it's always _fun_ to see new faces in detention."

Robin rolled his eyes. This guy was like trying to be some sort of Gordon Ramsey of the Drama detention scene or something.

"Hah!" barked Gangrel. "How funny, Mr. Walhart."

Lobster-sensei shot a look at Gangrel. "Don't forget that I sent you detention today as well, Mr. Gangrel. Using your cell phones in class is a distraction from the CONQUEST of LEARNING."

The class groaned, knowing that once Lobster-sensei started on the rant he wouldn't stop for at least a solid five minutes. Robin knew if he had his phone right now he would be playing around on it. Ufufu. Maybe Lobster-sensei had a point.

Robin looked around at the other students. Some were quietly whispering to one another. Others were actually painting. Wait, maybe they were actual Drama Club Members. Lmao. There were also some nerds playing Yu-gi-oh cards in a corner. Chrom was lounging on one of the tree sets, dangling a leaf over Frederick, who was sleeping inside the hollow tree. No one was paying attention.

Lobster-sensei was ranting on and on about cell phone misuse. Especially in the theater. He sounded like one of those ads that played at the movies before the actual movies. 'Please turn off your cell phones now. Thank you.' Except it went something more like 'Cell phones ruin the Nirvana state of the cornucopia of the finest art.' Pft, this guy spewed more shit out of his mouth than an Alaskan Bull Worm would out of his butt.

"Walhart," a calm voice interrupted the dullest "motivational" (LOL) speech. Even the recap episodes where they reused old clips were more interesting than that talk. "Where are my two star players?"

"Emmeryn," Walhart growled. "They're right where they should be. In detention."

"They're in a tree! And a fake one at that!"

"It's called Crime and Punishment, Coach Emmeryn! Drama cleanses the soul of such vile things like meat."

"Oooooh, SMACK DOWN. Walhart has no chill," Gangrel whispered loudly to Anna, who giggled.

"Can we just talk, please?" Emmeryn begged. "And boys, go on and head to practice. I will take care of this the best I can."

"Maybe she should just fall off a cliff," Gangrel continued to snigger. "Does she think she can even do something by just _talking_?"

Chrom and Frederick didn't seem to hear his jabs as they both bolted out of the tree and straight for the gym. Lucky bastards. On the other hand, Robin got a really great look at Chrom's ass. Not even Bob Ross could paint a finer ass.

* * *

"PEGASUS has never made it past the first round of the Decathlon," Cordelia sighed. "But you could be instrumental in helping us make it, I'm sure of it!"

"Yeah, yeah," Robin flipped his hair in a cool anime style, like a protagonist in an action anime would do. "Whatever. As long as you don't use your moe powers on me again."

"Moe powers?"

" _Anyways_ ," Robin didn't answer her question because she totally knew what she had done with him. Stupid moes. "What can you tell me about Chrom?" He tried to act all kakkoi about it. Like it's no big deal.

"Chrom? Basketball superstar and just the hottest guy in school? OMG. Everything. I have a shrine decorated to him in my room and I have tons of pictures and I even have a lock of hair. Sigh. I love him," Cordelia babbled.

"What?" Robin looked at her. What the hell was this girl on? She was higher than the Colossal Titan was _tall_.

"I-I mean," She blushed like a tsundere (she was such a moe though). "I hate him, he and his jock friends are stupid lower subspecies of the human race. And yeah he's totally hideous only the cheerleaders like him."

" _Why the fuck you lyinggggg, why you always lying, mmm oh my god, stop fucking lying,_ " he sang. She's a liarrrr, she totally said she had a shrine.

"Excuse me?" Cordelia asked sweetly. Too sweetly. She started to widen her eyes and the moe powers activated.

"STOP PLEASE I SWEAR I'LL BEHAVE," Robin hid his face with his arms. "THE MOE IS TOO STRONG. STOP! STOPPPPPP!"

Cordelia was about to speak, but she was interrupted by a chanting in the distance. Kind of like the type heard in hype anime songs. It was steadily getting louder. The fuck—

"WHAT TEAM?"

"WILDCATS!"

" **WHAT TEAM?** "

" **WILDCATS!** "

He looked at Cordelia. "What _was_ that?"

"The school basketball team," Cordelia looked annoyed. "And _Chrom_ ," she added dreamily.

"Okay." He didn't question it.

* * *

The next day was auditions! And wow was Robin lowkey excited. Like not highkey excited like how Gangrel was. That bitch marched straight up to Walhart and gave him a 100% organic salad to make sure he won the part in the auditions. Like hell no. Robin wasn't gonna let that fake ass win the part.

All of a sudden Chrom marched his sexy butt into the room and like his eyes were deep sparkly ocean blue, like it made his kokoro go doki doki again. He was like freaking Genos (because _One Punch Man_ is fucking awesome). They couldn't help staring at each other like a scene in a shounen ai anime, where heart effects would pop up between them. No homo tho. Then Lobster-sensei had to walk straight into his love interest, forcing him into his seat. What an asshole!

"Class I hope I made it clear about our classroom etitique. Otherwise you will be conquered in detention, and forced to do my bidding for the drama play!"

"Eto…" Robin muttered. Lobster-sensei was clearly being a [insert Japanese insult here].

"Now, every one of you better be at the auditions for the music-cal during free period this morning. Both single and double will be done to-day, until noon. You must expand your wingspan of creative spirit."

Uh naniwhat the hell? This guy had to be misusing some medical marijuana to come up with this stuff. Robin looked around the class to gauge everyone else's reactions. Gangrel clapped in the front row like the fake bitch he was. Frederick could be heard muttering something stupid into Chrom's ear, making the blue haired bara snicker. Cordelia could be seen rolling her eyes at the pair, stroking some sort of doll with familiar hair.

Then, Lobster-sensei started spewing nonsense about Shakespeare. Boring! Robin's already watched the entirety of both _RomeoxJuliet_ and _Zetsuen Tempest_. He's like a fucking expert at Shakespeare at this point.

* * *

Omake: Chrom and Emmeryn at their house because Robin isn't that much of a yandere stalker to go to follow him back to his house (yet).

* * *

Chrom dribbled the basketball, trying to get through his elder sister's defence. She didn't even give even a tiny bit. Kind of like the great wall of China.

"About that detention the other day…" Emmeryn began.

"Sorry 'bout that Em," Chrom huffed as he tried to keep pace with Emmeryn who had the ball in her possession. "It wasn't my fault."

"Oh no, I believe you." She threw the ball into the hoop effortlessly. "It's Walhart, I'm worried about. That man is always trying to pick a fight, and he won't hesitate to target you and Lissa too."

"Yeah, but uh, Em, did you ever think about trying something new, something that your friends might make fun of you for?" he asked, nervously. What would Em say about him singing, like wasn't that like totally gay? No offence to the LGBTQA+community, of course. Just some average, everyday internet lingo.

"You mean like asking Walhart on a date? I considered that his antagonistic actions may hint something romantic, but the man is totally not my type."

"Yeah like that—wait _what_?"

"Ufufufufufu, nothing, nothing, continue."

Chrom looked at her suspiciously, trying to read her mind, as he took the ball. "Uh, like something new, new, that would make everyone laugh at me, evenyouandmyfriends," he muttered quickly.

"Huh? What are you afraid of, Chrom?" Emmeryn looked at him directly. "I wouldn't do that, or convince you that basketball is the most important thing in life and it'll be the only opportunity for you to get a scholarship. Who do you think I am, a bad sister slash guardian? Well you guessed wrong!"

"Hahaha, yeah. Nothing to worry about," Chrom sheepishly said, throwing the ball into the hoop. "Nothing at all…"

"Besides, you should always fight for your friends!"

* * *

A/N: you know things sux when you run out of memes and weeb stuff to put into your crack story because you ain't trash like Robin LOL Also it's short af because I'm like ? where to cut off? also I don't have the movie to look through specific scene selections or if I do have the movie I don't know where it is Anyway, thanks to 'A Stampede of Chickens' (on fanfiction) and 'Kyiss' (on tumblr) for helping me read through this crap even though they dont help me add more trash to this pile of garbage **(╯°□°** **）╯︵ ┻━┻** )


	5. In Which Robin Convinces Chrom to Sing

Chapter 5: In Which Robin Convinces Chrom to Sing with Him

Summary: Robin's the new kid at school. Nerdy but kawaii as hell, girls swoon after him. But they don't know he's actually a total weeaboo and hella gay. Forced to sing a duet with Chrom, basketball superstar extraordinaire, the two hit it off at a New Year's Party. Will the plan go all according to keikaku or…? Crack. Yaoi!Chrobin.

* * *

"Mibro, mibro, please," Frederick called out to Chrom. "We got practice during free break, you coming?"

Robin looked over at the pair, trying hard not to eavesdrop (okay he was totally eavesdropping but whatever). A yandere's gotta do what a yandere's gotta do. Just kidding. He wasn't a yandere, pft, no way.

"Ahh, I actually have some homework to catch up on," Chrom replied evasively.

"Yo mibro" Frederick continued. "I could do it for you, as long as you go, it's only the second day back."

"Ha, you know me Freddy-bear," Chrom chuckled awkwardly. "Hey, is that a pack of match and some gasoline over there?"

"Mibro where?"

As soon as Frederick was distracted, Chrom ducked away. Now's his chance to kidnap, ahem, persuade Chrom to do the audition with him. Robin stalked Chrom like a shadow, and the bara didn't even notice him.

"Hey, where did mibro go?" Frederick looked around wildly. He started to follow them.

Oh hell no, Freddy, no one was going to ruin his chance at getting to hear that melodic tenshi voice again. Chrom walked into a classroom and Robin went in right after him. Frederick, meanwhile was cornered by the Vaike, who started spewing nonsense about his muscles.

Robin quickly followed Chrom down the stairs, kinda like that one scene from _Psycho-Pass_ , except he wasn't an evil bad guy and they were going down and not up, but whatever. Robin was swag anyway. He wanted to parkour down the stairs like a ninja but then he would give himself away to Chrom, who seemed to be heading towards the auditions anyway. Wasn't he a lucky (star) one.

They snuck through other various places, narrowly avoiding Coach Emmeryn and a lot of the boy's basketball team. Damn, they were everywhere, like clones from _Star Wars_ or something, Naga.

And then finally they made it to the auditorium. It was pretty empty, because most people thought the drama kids were nerds (and they were nerds, but Chrom was cute and that was acceptable). And like who went to watch drama auditions anyway? Besides, Sparkly-bitch and Money-slut were such jerks that no one liked the plays anyway.

Chrom still hadn't even noticed Robin yet, which was pretty funny in its own sense. It was like he was some sort of omniscient camera-man who no one could see. Like, how weird was that?

Lobster-sensei then marched in, with this shy cute nerd girl with greyish brown hair following behind him holding a crap-load of papers. Like if he was straight he'd totally tap that.

"This is where the true conquest of the art happens," Lobster-sensei began to spew bullshit out of his mouth again. Damn, how does he do this? And all that talk about conquest? Who was he, Germany from _Hetalia_?

The school bell rang (what even for, it was like free period, the school needs to like chill), interrupting Walhart's grand 'masterpiece' of a speech. "WAS THAT MEAT? OR A CELLPHONE? THOSE TWO THINGS ARE NOT PERMITTED IN HERE!" Lobster-sensei fumed.

Everyone looked at each other like nani the fuck was this man on? And, he couldn't even argue with them, like honestly what? Does this man think meat can make a sound? Naga above, Grima below help this school.

"No, sir, that was the bell," the girl from before told Lobster-sensei.

"Ah, well conquering the roles does take time, but we are limited. So everyone has to be committed to doing this and going back to callbacks next week or they will be cut," Walhart drew a line with his index and a thumb at his neck.

Chrom was peeking out from where he was hiding. Robin decided to break from his omniscient cameraman role and was like, "Sup dude." Hey, he's gotta be chill. Dudes like the chill laidback attitude.

"Robin?" Chrom whispered loudly. "What are you doing here?"

"Oh nothing, it's not like I want to be around you or sing a song or anything, baka," Robin said casually.

"What?"

"Shhh, Lobster-sensei is speaking," Robin hushed him, trying to be tsundere. That was a cool thing to do to the guy you like right? What's flirting?

"If you want to conquer this, you will have to have thick skin. Better to hear from me now that you absolutely suck at theater now then have your friends make fun of you later on for it.

This is Sumia, the composer, who will be available for practices before callbacks. So contact her if you need something, I don't know. May the odds be ever in your favor. Now, let the auditions begin!"

A small freckled blonde girl came up and starting singing like super off key. Robin knew he wasn't that great of a singer, but like damn, she sucked completely ass. Like she was some sort of minor character that didn't even have a name or something. Poor girl.

Lobster-sensei was even cringing at the singing, and then Gangrel and Anna were like making snide comments or something. At least it looked like they were. Anna was fanning herself with like twenty dollar bills.

"Yes, thank you for that, NEXT!" Lobster-sensei cried, interrupting the audition. Thank Naga for that Robin's ears were bleeding. And Chrom was passed out on the floor next to him, probably from the terrible singing. Robin pushed him onto a chair, and sat down next to him. Sweet.

There were like several other auditions. That were like all terrible. This school has no talent whatsoever. Even a pair of stoners auditioned (which admittedly was quite funny).

One audition was called, and no one came up, and it was like empty. Lobster-sensei was going to cry for the next person to go when a floating voice started to sing. It wasn't half bad but considering it was coming from nowhere...yeah. Lobster-sensei was just about to call the Ghostbusters right then and there. It was like _Ghost Hunt_ or something. But then the singing stopped with a large sigh, so everything continued.

There was one audition where this pink haired girl started dancing on the stage. That's it. Just dancing, no singing. Lobster-sensei was like looking at this girl like some sort of pedophile or something because that dance was like 10/10 good shit. But then she screamed, "DON'T LOOK AT ME!" and ran off the stage. So, there was that.

Sometime between auditions Chrom woke up again. "What the, how did I even get here, like GG man."

"Oh, I moved you when I saw that you passed out on the floor. Huh, that kind of reminds me of the time I passed out at my old school, and this girl freaking dragged me into a classroom. Damn, what a yandere," Robin reminisced.

"Uhhh, okay. Are you here to audition for a part or something?"

Yes. "Eto, no, baka, what makes you think that? Are you gonna audition, then?"

"Nothing, nothing. Ah no, I was just, uhm here, listening to the good music."

Hah, no one can lie to the almighty Robin! No one would come here for this shit singing! He was totally here to audition. But why would he lie about it. Maybe Chrom didn't want him to know about it? BibleThump.

"I mean, like, Walhart is pretty fucking harsh, I mean look he just yelled at someone to get off the stage because even a 'tone deaf banshee could sing better than that,'" Chrom shook his head.

"Why you afraid?" Robin asked.

"No, no, I'm just, uh scared," Chrom ruffled his hair.

"Baka. But yeah, ditto."

"Now, finally, for some real singing. Gangrel, Anna, you're up for the lead roles."

Gangrel marched confidently up the stage, Anna trailing right behind him. They even got mics and everything, like what? Anna even dismissed something Sumia tried to ask, and she didn't even play the piano for them like the rest of the people auditioning. Some guy wheeled in this big ass boombox for the twins to use. Filthy rich kids. They even drew the curtains and everything like this was an actual performance.

They did some sort of weird-ass snapping sequence before the curtains opened. Like who were they even trying to impress? A snazzy tune started playing, but it was like a whole new song.

" _It's hard to believe, that I couldn't see_ ," Anna began, singing into the mic.

" _ **You were always there beside me**_ **,** " the duo sang together trying to act like some cool kids or something. " _ **Thought I was alone, with no one to hold, but you were always right beside me**_."

" _This feeling's like no other_ ," Gangrel sang, posing with his sister with their arms out, looking stupid as fuck.

" _ **I want you to knooooooooww**_ _._ "

Walhart nodded enthusiastically, Sumia looked vaguely disgusted, and both Chrom and Robin resisted to roll their eyes.

" _ **I've never had someone, that knows me like you do, the way you doooooo. I've never had someone, as good for me as you, no one like youuuuuu. So lonely before, I finally foundddd, what I've been looking foooor**_ **.** " Gangrel handed his mic to Anna, before doing some sort of tap dancing routine that made him look like a circus monkey. It was a wonder why Anna didn't try to charge everyone watching.

" _So good to be seen, so good to be heaaaarrrrd_ ," Gangrel sang while Anna did some amazing acrobatics (ngl man).

" _ **Don't have to say a worddddd**_."

"For so long I was lost, So good to be fooooouuuund."

" _ **I'm loving having you aroooooouuund**_ ," Gangre dipped his sister, while singing.

"This feeling's like no other," Anna sang with lots of gusto!

" _ **I want you to knowwwww, I've never had someone, that knows me like you doooo, the way you doooo. I've never had someone, as good for me as youuuu, no one like youuuuuuu. So lonley before, I finally foooooouuund, what I've been looking fooooor**_ **.** "

They continued to do their dance routine that definitely could have come out of a Just Dance game. All the while singing.

" _ **Doo Doo DooDoo, Doo Doo DooDooDooDoo, Woa-ah-ah-ooh-ah-aw. Doo Doo DooDoo, Doo Doo DooDooDooDoo, Woa-ah-ah-ooh-ah-aw**_ ," they hummed together continuing their silly dance routine. And by the look on Sumia's face, that part wasn't intended in her original composition. Even if she did give them a half hearted round of applauseapplesauce.

Random clapping started after their song. From apparently nowhere. Holy shit there's apparently more than just that one auditioning ghost. The freaking theater was empty, what the fuck. Maybe it was prerecorded and put on their mixtape. That was not fire.

Gangrel could be seen in the background harassing Sumia. Not like sexual harassing (since Gangrel was gay af), but like bullying harassing. Someone should probably stop him. Chrom was trying to tug him out of the theater, though.

"Are there any more last minute auditions? We have to conquer everything. Anyone? Anyone? Going once, twice, sold. No more auditions. And we're done."

"Wait," Robin suddenly jumped up. "I would like to audition Lobster-sensei—I mean Mr. Walhart-sensei-sir."

"Time is a conquest in theater, young man. Single auditions are long over, and there are simply no other pairs."

"Uh, I'll sing with him," Chrom cried, raising his hand up like an elementary student.

"Mr. Chrom? Where is your volleyball or something team? Aren't you like a sports jock? Your father wouldn't like you being here. Not. At. All."

"Basketball. And don't you mean my sister, the coach? My father's been dead for years," Chrom replied.

"Oh no, I mean your father, little baseball player. Besides, what are you even doing here?"

"I'm here by myself, not with my friends. To audition with Robin, actually."

"That's gay man, I wanted opposite sex couples, not same sex couples. That's like against the Bible and the holy Christian religion!"

"Ano, actually it's against the law to discriminate against homosexual couples now." Robin pointed out. "Love wins. And besides, isn't Gangrel gay?"

"Oh, well you're right," admitted Lobster-sensei. "Still, you didn't make it in time, so I'm sorry to say you two cannot auditions. Hehe, loopholes! Conquer that!"

"But he has an amazing voice!" Robin and Chrom both cried at the same time, eyeing one another weirdly.

"Maybe you can conquer the next music-cal then," he said before marching off with his cup of coffee.

Chrom looked at Robin sadly, as if apologizing with his eyes. Damn that was kawaii. He would have a happy tree in his pants right now if everything was non-esports. Too bad high school was totally esports.

They heard a crash from behind them. Robin spun around to see Sumia tripping over something, papers flying everywhere.

"Ooof!" she cried as she tumbled to the floor.

"Sumia!"yelled Chrom, running towards her. "Those boots of yours again?"

"Yes, I mean no, I mean, sigh," she said sadly.

Both he and Robin rushed to help her pick up the papers. "I didn't know you composed music, Sumia," Chrom asked politely. "You did everything? The entire show?"

She nodded, "Yeah, I did."

"Then why are you so afraid of Gangrel and Anna? It's your show after all."

"It is?"

"Yeah, of course!" Robin butted in. "You wrote it, so you better tell those bitches to get back in their place!"

"What? I can't do that, they'll have me fired for sure!"

"Robin," Chrom shot him a look. "Just don't be scared of them, but don't pick a fight either, okay? Remember, without you, there is no show. You make _them_ look good."

Robin muttered under his breath, "Fucking fight me irl, 1v1, baka."

"Thanks! Do you guys want to hear what the duet is supposed to sound like? It sounds nothing like what those complete idiots sang."

"Uh, sure," Chrom replied for the both of them.

Robin wondered if that meant they were going to sing it, since there was only the two of them. That question was answered when Sumia sat down at the piano and started the first few bars of the song, the lyrics lying right in front of them. The music was drastically different in beat and key than the one Gangrel and Anna sang.

Chrom started slowly singing first, " _It's hard to believe, that I couldn't see. You were always there beside me._ "

" _Thought I was alone, with no one to hold_ ," Robin picked up where Chrom had left off.

They sang together, " _ **But you were always right beside me. This feeling's like no other, I want you to knoooooooow.**_ "

Robin looked at Chrom. He looked like he was really enjoying himself. Back to the song, focus boy, you can't mess up in front of the bae.

" _ **That I've never had someone, that knows me like you dooooo, the way you doooo**_."

Chrom looked back at him and smiled. Robin blushed and felt his kokoro go doki-doki. It's been going doki-doki a lot lately and hopefully he didn't get a heart attack soon or need a valve replacement or something because that would suck.

" _ **And I've never had someone, as good for me as youuuu, no one like youuuuuuu. So lonely before, I finally fooooouuund, what I've been looking foooooor**_."

Robin smiled, humming out the rest of the tune. Damn, the way his voice harmonized with Chrom's would make anyone's ears eargasm. Like hot damn, sign the two of them up to become a British boy band and they would sell like millions of copies. Like a new type of anime, oh my Naga.

"Wow," Chrom complimented. "That sound nice, thanks for playing that for us, Sumia."

"You're welcome."

"Yeah, r8 8/8 m8," Robin chimed in. Everyone ignored him.

"Chrom, Robin, you have a callback," boomed Lobster-sensei's voice from the back of the theater. "Sumia, give them the duet from the second act. Conquer it."

He left with a dramatic flash. "Does that mean we get an 8/8?" Robin called out to Lobster-sensei without any reply. "No? Aw okay, I guess that was a gr8 b8 m8."

Sumia jumped up and fell flat on her face again. "Oh! Aha, I'm available all the time. I'm usually here, during free period, lunch, and sometimes during class. Or you can come over whenever you have time, it doesn't matter. This is going to be great, I know you two will fit the roles perfectly!"

Robin squealed excitedly, before regaining his composure. "Yeah, sounds kakkoi desu. It's not a big deal, not like I'm excited or anything."

Chrom just nodded, worriedly looking at the sheet music.

* * *

A/N: This may or may not be a day late ahahahahah ;_; oops. Also I'm _very_ behind on NaNoWriMo (thanks midterms), but I'll for sure be updating once a week until I finish the first movie, at least. That I promise you. Thanks to my betas, yadda, yadda, yadda, I love you except Chickens because he's just using me. Jerk. Also I'm still dying from all the weeb stuff and memes and everything. I also randomly use "NANI?" or "NANI THE FUCK" irl now, it's all this stupid story's fault and now I sound like a weeb. Which I'm not. Which is why it's hard to make this any more full of anime references.


	6. In Which Robin is Confused by Random Sin

Chapter 6: In Which Robin is Confused by Random Singing

Summary: Robin's the new kid at school. Nerdy but kawaii as hell, girls swoon after him. But they don't know he's actually a total weeaboo and hella gay. Forced to sing a duet with Chrom, basketball superstar extraordinaire, the two hit it off at a New Year's Party. Will the plan go all according to keikaku or…? Crack. Yaoi!Chrobin.

* * *

A/N: Code Geass spoilers inside whoops; also thanks to Chickens and Kyiss again ily and Happy New Years this was supposed to be posted before 2016 but life got in the way

* * *

"CALLBACKS? AHHHHHHHHH!" Gangrel screamed at the top of his lungs. Robin, passing by, covered his ears with an annoyed face. Nani? He screamed so loudly that the camera angle probably panned from his face to the outside and to the blue sky filled with clouds and birds.

Gangrel fanned himself with his hands as if he was going to pass out, like it was a huge deal or something. Anna fanned her brother with one of the stacks of cash she always carried around.

"Callbacks for the main role, next Thursday at 3:30pm,"she read aloud. "Gangrel and Anna...and Robin and Chrom?" She immediately whipped her head around. "That'll be a buck each, ladies and gentlemen, I don't read for free, you know."

People around her groaned, and coughed up the dollar, and Anna lit up like Mr. Krabs whenever he got money. Nani the fuck? Who does that?

"Is this some sort of sick joke? Like capturing someone and forcing her off a cliff kind of joke? They didn't even audition!" Gangrel whined loudly.

"Maybe we're being punk'd." Anna turned to the nearest security camera and shook her fist. "WE BETTER BE COMPENSATED WELL FOR THIS OR YOU'LL BE HEARING FROM MY LAWYERS!"

"Aren't you two amusing?" Frederick came up behind the two. Robin shrank into the shadows like a ninja. He looked at the auditions list. "What? Mibro!"

Everyone stormed off towards the cafeteria. Oh right, it was lunch. Robin should be heading over there too. He followed them from a distance like the Survey Corps to a Titan.

As soon as he arrived, Robin saw Gangrel on the second floor, pacing like mad, yelling obscene things about him. "How dare he sign up? This pleb doesn't know his place!"

"Exactly, someone's gotta lay out the rules," agreed Anna. "For a price." She winked.

Gangrel groaned. "Pathetic! I swear, sometimes I think all you care about is money!" He sashayed towards the balcony, as if he was a king or something, looking down on everyone.

Robin turned his gaze away from Gangrel and Anna and onto the rest of the cafeteria. It was loud, as usual. But one of the basketball guys seemed to be pacing uncomfortably around. He had some sort of unnaturally orange hair, kinda like Hinata from _Haikyuu_. Hey they both played ball sports too!

Then, all of a sudden, out of nowhere, he starts singing. Singing! It was like the basketball practice all over again! What was with these basketball dudes and singing. Like good singing. Like it wasn't the amazing Simon wouldn't destroy you kind of singing, but it wasn't terribly off key like the people who were auditioning yesterday. There was even background music blasting from somewhere. Probably from some asshat swol guys carrying around those huge speakers.

" _You can bet there's nothin' but net, when I am in the zone and on a roooooooll_ ," the boy put his arms around Frederick and a green haired guy. " _But I got a confession, my own secret obsession, and it's making me lose controoooool_."

The whole cafeteria started singing at once as if they were a kind of hive mind or something. " _ **Everybody gather 'round**_ ," they sang as one.

"Well if Chrom can tell his secret than I can tell mine," he said, not singing it. "I-I bake."

"What? I thought you just liked sweets!"

"I love to bake, strudels, scones, even apple pandowdy. Like a river of chocolate and an ocean of cream!"

" _ **Not another sound!**_ " The people at his table waved him off, not allowing him to sit with them.

"Someday, I'll bake and eat the perfect creme brulee!"

" _ **No, no, no, noooooooo!**_ " The table broke out in perfect choreography, as Robin stared in shock. They spun in perfect union, placing their hands on the back of their heads at the same time. " _ **No, no noooooo!**_ " They threw their hands in the air as one.

They then placed on foot onto the table's benches. " _ **Stick to the stuff you knoooooow. If you wanna be cool, follow one simple rule**_." They made a rude gesture with one of their fingers, like a sad imitation of a #1 (it was his hat, Mr. Krabs, he was #1!). " _ **Don't mess with the floooow, no, noooo. Stick to the status quoooooooo.**_ "

They forced the poor Hinata guy down, shoving a basketball into his arms. He looked pretty depressed like he needed sugar or something (he probably did, RIP).

But the music didn't stop there, to Robin's surprise. Instead, another girl at a quiet(ish) table in the corner started to sing. It was that pinkette from the auditions yesterday!

" _Look at me and what do you see?_ " she started out timidly. Everyone turned to look at her, including one girl with dark red hair and a stern gaze. " _Ahh...Intelligence beyond compare, but inside I am stirring_ ," she sang, increasingly gaining confidence. " _Something strange is occurring, it's a secret I need to share_."

Everyone at her table gestured openly at her. " _ **Open up, dig way down deeeeeep**_. "

The girl stood up, her hair was long and flowing, like Euphemia's before she started shooting everyone down (thanks Lelouch). "Dancing is my passion. I love to pop and lock and jam and break!" She started to bust out some swag af dance moves. Everyone started freaking out around her, like nani the fuck? Nande?

A smol fetus child (like what was he, twelve?) asked, "Is that even legal?"

" _ **Not another peep**_ ," everyone hushed her.

"Ahhh, but it-it's just dancing. Sometimes, sometimes, I think it's cooler than homework!" she proclaimed.

At that, the entire nerd table threw their textbooks in the air like they just don't care. " _ **No, no, no, noooooo!**_ " They started marching around in a circle. " _ **No, no, noooo. Stick to the stuff you knooooow**_ _ **.**_ " The nerd herd picked up the books and opened them, pointing at it.

" _ **It's better by far, to keep things as they are, don't mess with the flow, no, nooooo**_ ," they twirled and danced like fucking hypocrites. " _ **Stick to the status quo!**_ "

Pinky started to blush hard and she forced herself down as low as possible. Heathens, Robin thought. But they were done now, right? He can go eat and—

" _Listen well, I'm ready to tell, about a need that I cannot deny._ " This curly haired skater kid with a pot on his head (haha a pothead?) started to sing. " _Dude, there's no explanation, for this awesome sensation, but I'm ready to let it fly_."

" _ **Speak your mind and you'll be heaaaard**_ ," his table chanted, throwing out some weird signs with their hands like they were trying to be cool yakuza or something.

"Alrighty," the kid began. "If Chrom wants ta be a singer, then I'm comin' clean. I play the cello!"

"Magnificent! What is it exactly?" some blue haired dude asked. Pot head mimed himself playing a cello. "A saw?!"

"Naw dude, it's like a giant violin!" Pothead exclaimed excitedly. "Yeehaw!"

" _ **Not another wooord!**_ " his tablemates pointed their hands in his face.

"Do you have to wear a costume?"

"Coat and tie!"

Everyone around him looked disappointed. " _ **No, no, no, nooooooo. No, no, noooo!**_ " They threw their arms in the air and basically died. " _ **Stick to the stuff you knooooow. If you wanna be cool, follow one simple rule**_." People started flipping the bird again. " _ **Don't mess with the flow no, noooo. Stick to the status quooooOOooooOoo**_ _ **!**_ "

Pothead sat down, while everyone else in the cafeteria remained standing. Robin looked at them in shock. It's been like two or three minutes, come on!

The entire cafeteria sang in unison, dancing in tune to the mysterious beat. They even threw their hands up at the same time, doing the same moves. " _ **No, no, nooo! Stick to the stuff you knooow. It is better by far, to keep things as they are, Don't mess with the flow, no, noooo. Stick to the status quo!**_ "

They looked ridiculous, throwing their arms and legs in some wild, poorly choreographed dance. Was this all set up or…?

Everyone stopped singing, and then a cello solo came on from Pothead, and Pinky (and some other dudes but who cares about them) started busting out some sweet dance moves and even Hinata was like giving out some baked goods? Just kidding, he was just shoveling them down his throat. Everyone began throwing out their sickest moves trying to outdo one another. Robin swore he saw Frederick doing the worm on the floor by his table.

" _This is not what I want_ ," Gangrel joined in the song, pacing around the balcony. " _This is not what I planned. And I just got to saaaay. I do not understand._ "

He shook his giant red mane of hair. " _Something is really—_ "

" _Something's not right_ ," Anna interrupted, causing Gangrel to put a hand up to his sister's face.

" _Really wroooong._ "

" _ **And we gotta get things back where they belooong**_ ," they sang together. " _ **We can do it!**_ "

"Gotta play!" Pothead chimed in.

" _ **Stick with what you know**_ ," his table hushed him.

" _ **We can do it!**_ "

Pinky yelled courageously, "Hip hop hooray!"

" _ **She has got to go**_."

" _ **We can do it!**_ "

"Creme brulee! Syke, it's all mine!" Hinata cried.

" _ **Keep your voice down low!**_ "

Everyone quieted down. Thank gods they were done. Then they started up again. Kuso bitch—

" _ **Not another peep.**_ "

" _ **No!**_ "

" _ **Not another word.**_ "

" _ **No!**_ "

" _ **Not another sound.**_ "

" _ **No!**_ "

" _EVERYBODY QUIET!"_ scream-sanged Gangrel.

He was SO hungry, he walked straight into the room, and somehow Cordelia followed him. Where'd she come from? It has to be done, now, right? Gangrel yelled for everyone to shut up right? Grima, he just wanted to eat.

"Why is everyone staring at you?" he asked, sarcastically.

Cordelia didn't seem to pick up on the sarcasm, "Not me, you."

"Great, it's because of those callbacks isn't it?" Robin rolled his eyes. "Damn, I can't have people staring at me, that ruins my image of a main character in an anime!"

Everyone resumed singing. " _ **No! (No, no, no)! Stick to the stuff you knooow (Stick to the stuff you know!). If you wanna be cool, follow one simple rule, Don't mess with the flow, no, noooo! Stick to the status quoooOooOooOoo!**_ "

They threw their hands up. " _ **No, no, noooo. Stick to the stuff you knooow (Stick to the stuff you know). It is better by far to keep things as they are, Don't mess with the floow, no nooo!**_ "

The three kids were just on top of their tables doing some weird shit, but Robin didn't really care at that point. He and Cordelia were just trying to get around all of these limbs and parts and stuff to go sit down and eat. Damn it, he was hungry.

" _ **(Don't you know?) Stick to the status. (Don't you know?) Stick to the status. (Don't you know?) Stick to the status quo!**_ "

In his rush, Robin didn't see the puddle of a mysterious liquid on the floor and he slipped, causing his lunch (his precious lunch of nacho cheese and chips) to fly upwards and land straight on Gangrel. Who immediately screamed at the top of his lungs.

"That was my fucking lunch!" Robin spat at Gangrel. "But you deserved it you fucking bitch."

Gangrel was about to antagonize him even further but Cordelia dragged him away, kicking and screaming. "Next time Gangrel, even if it seems I'm about to lose, I'll go on an angry rant about my friends and death and my dead mother and I _will_ beat you! AHAHAHAHA. Enjoy my lunch asshole!"


	7. In Which Robin is Pretty Much a Hentai

Chapter 7: In Which Robin is Pretty Much a Hentai

Summary: Robin's the new kid at school. Nerdy but kawaii as hell, girls swoon after him. But they don't know he's actually a total weeaboo and hella gay. Forced to sing a duet with Chrom, basketball superstar extraordinaire, the two hit it off at a New Year's Party. Will the plan go all according to keikaku or…? Crack. Yaoi!Chrobin.

* * *

"What is going on here?" Lobster-sensei bellowed. "Something this loud must be some sort of grand conquest!"

"Look at this!" Gangrel gestured at his usual sparkly pink outfit (that Robin thought was way too flamboyant, like yeah, Robin was gay, but he's not a _I'm going to flaunt it in your face_ kind of gay). "That Robin ass—I mean boy just dumped his lunch all over me. On purpose! It's all part of the plan to ruin the musical! And Chrom and his basketball cronies are behind it. Why do you think he auditioned?" He shook his head. "After all the hard work you put into the show," he started choking up. "It doesn't seem right!"

He stormed off after that, Anna quickly following him, charging people money left and right for "the show they had just witnessed ('wtf we were a part of that!' 'no excuse!')." Robin looked around to find Chrom as Lobster-sensei barked orders to the remaining students to clean up. He brightened. Then kinda suck down like a blob fish. He was talking to Frederick, who didn't look too happy considering what just went down (and Robin didn't realize how freaking good Freddy-bear was at singing).

"What was all that about?" Chrom asked his best friend. The guy in question looked at him oddly.

"Let's see, mibro. You miss free period workout yesterday to audition for some stupid musical, now suddenly people are confessing. Like Gaius. Gaius is baking," he accused, grabbing Hinata—Gaius—as he walked by. Okay, so his name was actually Gaius...wow Robin felt vaguely disappointed. "Creme Brulee!"

"What's that?"

"It's like a custard with a caramelized surface, it's really really good. BUT IT'S MINE, YOU'LL NEVER TAKE IT FROM ME EXCEPT FROM MY COLD, DEAD HANDS!" Gaius sprinted away.

"Do you see what's happening here, mibro? The Shepherds are coming apart because of your singing thing. Even the drama and science plebs think they can talk to us. The sk8ter bros are talking to other people. And people are doing new stuff. Stuff that's not their stuff. Like using weapons that their class can't use!"

Haha, good point Freddy, Robin thought. Wow, this was kind of creepy spying on their table, especially since he had ditched Cordelia to do this. He hoped she wouldn't use her moe powers on him again because that SUCKED.

"And Robin. I'm going to keep a lookout on Robin, he's kind of suspicious, mibro."

Say what? Nani the fuck are you talking about? Besides, nothing is getting in his way of getting his man!

* * *

That afternoon, after the weird singing musical lunch, Robin decided to sneak into the boys' locker room. FOR A GOOD REASON! One that he couldn't think of at the moment, at least.

"Oh my god, so many musclessss~" he squealed. Everything went pink and sparkly. "Look at those quads, and triceps. And oh my god those abs are 10/10 good shit."

He didn't care that he was acting like a mindless fangirl, or like Kou/Gou whatever. Because hot damn, if any other person attracted to the male sex was where he was now they'd be drooling too! And Chrom, oh my Naga.

From the corner of his eye, Robin could see Emmeryn in her office. Why a female coach's office would be in the middle of the boy's locker room was an excellent question. Most likely because she took it from her father after he died and didn't bother to move it, or at least out of it. That and because she was a lesbian and really couldn't care less about the male body (which was a pity really, because _damn_ these boys were really killing it).

Suddenly a loud _Bang!_ came from the opposite end of the locker room where Robin was hiding. He looked over there and saw Lobster-sensei in all his red outfit glory. Which honestly really did look like a stereotypical devil.

He swept himself across the locker room, where all the boys came out to look curiously at him, taking a few seconds to recoil away from the sight of Lobster-sensei. Why was the drama teacher visiting _them_ of all things. And while they were changing too!

Lobster-sensei marched confidently amongst the midst of sweaty dirty boys, nearly getting whacked with a towel that flew across his face. He flinched, as if not wanting to get any dirt on him, like it was some sort of contamination. Robin could see (somewhat from where he was hiding) the exasperated look on the sensei's face when he finally reached Emmeryn's office.

"Alright, Emmeryn," he bellowed. "First, do you know how much _meat_ I've had to look at marching through this mass of sweaty hormonal boys? Disgusting. Move your damn office. I'm a vegetarian for crying out loud. Second, conquest, on the table right now!"

"Huh? What do you mean?" Emmeryn replied, as calm as ever.

"So you're mad that I put your _stars_ into detention, so now you're getting even?" Walhart banged his fist on Emmeryn's table.

"What are you talking about, Walhart?

"Your 'all-star' brother showed up at my audition yesterday. I gave him a fair shot at conquering the theatre yesterday. But if he has something planned, in my chapel of the _arts_ " Lobster-sensei shook his fist, enunciating every word. "There will be _conquest_ to pay."

"Chrom doesn't even sing!"

Lobster-sensei continued without break "Well, you're wrong about that, but I won't allow my music-cal to be made into a farce!"

"So that what Chrom was talking about two days ago," Emmeryn muttered to herself, completely ignoring the other teacher.

"SEE?! I KNEW IT! I KNEW IT! THAT' MUMBLING WAS SOME SORT OF PLAN! WELL YOU BETTER WATCH YOUR BASKETBALL CONQUEST THIS TIME AROUND, _COACH EMMERYN_ ," bellowed Walhart, as he turned around and stalked out of the office, scaring most of the boys who had been pressed up near the door.

Robin thought it was a good time to leave. Before he got caught. Wait one more peek. Damn, all those asses. Especially Chrom's. Sigh.

* * *

"Look," Cordelia sat Robin down after she caught him sneaking out of the boy's locker room. She had cocked an eyebrow, but didn't mention it. "No one's beaten Gangrel out of the top spot of a musical since Kindergarden."

"Yeah and? That guy's a total bitch!" Robin zealously exclaimed. "Besides, I didn't even mean to beat anyone out. We didn't even technically audition. We were just singing."

Cordelia flipped her hair. "You're not going to be able to convince Gangrel of that. I mean, if he could somehow play both Marth and Caeda, his own sister would be out the picture!"

"I guess, but whatever. I get to sing with Chrom again."

"Chrom~" Cordelia sighed, and went into a kind of trance, repeating his name in a mantra. "Oh Chrom."

The bell rang. "Oh! I mean. Fuck Chrom, fuck basketball guys, I hate them."

"Sure, sure." Robin picked some imaginary dust off of his shirt.

* * *

Omake: Gangrel and Gaius Locker Scene

After Gaius ran out with his Creme Brulee at lunch, he ran straight into the pink, glitzed out locker of Gangrel. The Creme Brulee nearly flew out of his hands, but he managed to keep a hold of it. Gaius groaned.

"Why hello, who is this?" Gangrel asked, looking down at Gaius. "Oh it's you. Get lost, pipsqueak."

"Who ya' calling pipsqueak, ya fucking mad king!" Gaius shot back, still on the floor, holding onto the Creme Brulee with his life.

"Hmmm," Gangrel grabbed a new pink sparkly shirt from his locker, and looked at himself in the mirror. He fluffed up his hair a few times for good measure. "What do you have there?"

"It's nothing," Gaius quickly said, protecting his precious sweet from the mad king.

"What is it, some sort of sweet?"

"Yeah, and it's _mine_ , bitch, so get outta here!"

Gangrel sneered, "I'd rather stick pins through my eyes than eat that. Evaporate tiny person!" He slammed the locker door and spun around, leaving Gaius on the floor.

"Thank Naga, now it's all mine," Gaius smacked his lips, holding the sweet in one hand while using the other to hoist himself up. "Come to Papa—"

He watched in horror as the Creme Brulee slipped out of his hand in slow motion. He tried to reach out for it with both hands, but only ended up grabbing air. "Nooooooooooooo." Gaius could imagine his voice being in slow motion all deep and crap.

It landed with a spectacular _Splat!_ spilling all of its contents onto the floor in a sad sort of blob. He lay there for a while, on his knees, in shame. He could feel depression looming over him, gobbling up his soul, his life drained.

And he had to watch, as one of the janitors walked by. The janitor shook his head, and mopped up the spilled content, and went off like nothing had happened. Like he hadn't desecrated the body of one of the fallen.

"My life," Gaius croaked. "It's over." He keeled over.

Sometime later, a very feminine looking guy came over to where Gaius lay. "Not again," he shook his head. "Naga help him."

Libra gave Gaius' body a sharp kick in the side. When the boy didn't respond, he did it again, to the sound of hacking and wheezing.

" _Grima's pants_ , you didn't have to be so harsh about it Padre!" Gaius protested, dusting off his clothes.

"You've been there for hours," Libra replied. "Someone had to do something."

"Yeah well, if you can't get me more sweets, I'm afraid I'll still be dead on the inside."

"Perhaps you should pray to Naga," suggested Libra. "She will be able to help you fix your internal struggle."

"Excellent idea Padre," Gaius clasped his hands in prayer. "Oh Naga, oh great and wonderful One, please make sweets appear. I'll give you anything. Have my first born child!"

"That's not what I meant—"

Libra was cut off by the sudden appearance of hundreds of sweets pouring down from the ceiling. The blond was speechless.

"Yes, now that's what I'm talking about. Thank you, Naga. To my first born child!" Gaius made a toast.

"That's it, I quit, Naga. I'm going to go pray to Grima now."

Back at his home, in bed, Robin was staring at a picture of Chrom when his forehead started burning in pain like Harry's scar would. "Fuck, nani was that? Am I hearing voices again? What do they want now?"

* * *

A/N: Sorry about the wait but Fates HYPUUUUUUUUUuuu. This was written a loooong time ago and I wasn't gonna post anything until I beat the game (so there's no new meme-y stuff aka History of Japan) but since it's my birthday I decided to publish this ;3c...that aaaaaandddd I might be dead from math midterm tomorrow ;-;


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